The stages of grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, as far back as 1969, introduced what has become known as the “five stages of grief”.

The five stages of grief are:

1.

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

The denial phase is a time of shock and disbelief, when you can’t quite take in the reality of your loss. You find it impossible to believe the death of your loved one is real, and you may feel numb from the experience. Feelings of numbness and disbelief can protect you from the full impact of the death and help you to survive through the early weeks and months.

2.

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

During this phase, feelings of anger may surface and be directed at yourself, your loved one for leaving you, doctors for not healing your loved one or even at God.

3.

Bargaining: “What if…” or “If only…”

During the bargaining stage of grief , you may become preoccupied with what you could have done to prevent the death of your loved one. Again, it’s normal to feel a sense of ‘what if’ or ‘if only’.

4.

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

In this stage, you begin to realise and feel the true extent of the death, and think that life will never be the same again.

5.

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

The acceptance stage occurs at the end of the grieving process when you come to terms with the finality of the loss and start to move forward with your life. This doesn’t mean that you won’t experience some of the other stages of grief again from time to time, but the pain of your loss will become more manageable.

Each of the five stages of grief are not necessarily experienced in order. You may experience both the denial and anger stages long after you've reached the acceptance stage, or you may skip over certain stages altogether.

For some people, grief can come in waves or feel like an emotional rollercoaster. For others, grief can move through some stages, but not others. Don’t think that you should be feeling a certain way at a certain time, because everyone’s grief is individual to them.

Did you know?

For most people, extreme feelings of grief begin to fade within 6 months after the death of a loved one.