How to help someone who is suicidal
A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that doesn’t mean that help isn’t wanted. People who end their own lives don’t want to die - they just want to stop hurting. Suicide prevention starts with recognising the warning signs and taking them seriously.
You might be afraid to bring up the subject, but talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.
Don’t avoid the subject because you are concerned that you might plant the idea of suicide in that person’s head. You will not. Bringing up the subject shows that you support them and that you are concerned about them.
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable with talking to someone who you feel might be suicidal, about suicide. However, if you have spotted the warning signs, that person needs immediate help. That help begins with you talking to them.
Don’t put off a discussion until tomorrow because you want to see if things will improve, act now.
How to start the conversation:
While it is important to pick an appropriate time and place to have a conversation about suicide, it should be primarily focused on showing the person who may be suicidal that you care and that you want to listen.
Prepare yourself for the conversation you are about to have. Hearing the words “I want to kill myself”, from a family member or someone you care about is deeply shocking and upsetting. Try to remain calm and strong, this is your opportunity to help.
Remember the person is experiencing incredible psychological pain and their desire is not to die but to end their pain. Try to centre the conversation around understanding what is causing the pain, and offering help and support towards addressing the issues. Try starting the conversation with one of the following:
“I have been feeling concerned about you lately.”
“Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.”
“I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
Questions you can ask:
Try to get the person to talk with you openly and honestly. Give them every oppor tunity to unburden their troubles and vent their feelings. You don’t need to say much, demonstrate your concern through listening, patience and understanding. Some questions you might want to ask:
“When did you begin feeling like this?”
“Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“Have you thought about getting help?”
What you can say that helps:
Remember if a suicidal person talks to you and is unburdening themselves, let them know that you are going to listen and support them. A person going through a suicidal episode feels isolated, reassure them that they are not alone. Use phrases such as:
“You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.”
“I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.”
Do’s and Don’ts when talking to a suicidal person
Do:
Be yourself. Let the person know you care. There are no right words, your voice and manner will demonstrate your concern.
Listen. Let the suicidal person talk freely, unburden their pain and vent their anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that it exists is a positive sign.
Demonstrate patience and ensure you are not judgemental. Offer hope. Reassure the person that you care, that help is available and that the suicidal feelings are temporary.
Don’t:
Be confrontational. Never argue with a suicidal person. Avoid saying things like “How can you do this to your family,” or “Lots of people have it worse than you.”
Lecture. Act shocked, lecture on the value of life, or say that suicide is wrong.
Promise confidentiality. Refuse to be sworn to secrecy. A life is at stake and you may need to speak to a mental health professional to keep the suicidal person safe. If you promise to keep your discussions secret, you may have to break your word.
Offer to fix their problems. You can’t fix this for them. Blame yourself. You aren’t responsible for someone’s depression or unhappiness.
If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it’s important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in. The following questions can help you assess the immediate risk for suicide:
Do you have a suicide plan? (PLAN)
Do you have what you need to carry out your plan (drugs, gun, etc.)? (MEANS)
Do you know when you would do it? (TIME FRAME)
Do you intend to take your own life? (INTENTION)
Those at the highest risk for suicide have a PLAN, the MEANS to carry out the plan, a TIME FRAME for doing it, and an INTENTION to do it. If a suicide attempt seems imminent; Call a local suicide crisis centre Call the emergency services or take the person to the nearest hospital Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE A SUICIDAL PERSON ALONE.
If someone close to you is suicidal, being prepared to listen and offer support is one of the best ways you can help them. Let them know that they are not alone and that you care.
But remember, you aren’t responsible for how they feel and you can’t make them better. Only they can, with help, make a personal commitment to recovery.
Seek professional help. Do everything you can to get a suicidal person the help they need. Call a crisis line for advice and referrals. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help locate a treatment facility, or take them to a doctor’s appointment.
Remove potential means of suicide. Such as pills, knives, razors, or firearms. If the person is likely to take an overdose, keep medications locked away or give out only as the person needs them.
Follow-up on treatment. If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your friend or loved one takes it as directed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the doctor if the person seems to be getting worse.
Be proactive. Those contemplating suicide often don’t believe they can be helped, so you may have to be more proactive at offering assistance. Don’t wait for the person to call you or even to return your calls. Drop by, call again, invite the person out.
Encourage positive lifestyle changes. Such as a healthy diet, plenty of sleep, and getting out in the fresh air every day. Exercise is extremely important as it can relieve stress and promote emotional well-being.
Make a safety plan. Help the person develop a set of steps he or she promises to follow during a suicidal crisis. It should identify any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis, such as an anniversary of a loss, alcohol, or stress from relationships. Also include contact numbers for the person’s doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
Continue your support over the long haul. Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person, periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the recovery track.
